nail polish on fingernails: 2 days
nail polish on toenails: 200 years. ur ghost will have glittery toes. ur descendants will come out of the womb w/ revlon 791 midnight affair perfectly applied. infinite
A few minutes ago my coworker said “The sexual position formerly known as 69 will now be referred to as 96. Due to the economy, the price of eating out has gone up.”
My boss is still crying.
things that make you feel powerful
- matching lace underwear
- heels (and the clicking noise they make when you walk and you know you lookin hot)
- red lipstick
- perfect coal black eyeliner
- curled hair
- freshly done nails
- cute new clothes
The guy in front of me when I was getting ice cream tonight was wearing this.
update: i banged him
Anonymous said: This is gonna sound so stupid but what is a fuckboy? lol
- timothy over here askin’ for nudes when all u did was say hello
- connor who won’t calm down with his axe spray tryna infect ya lungs
- colin adding #420 to his bio when he smoked weed one time
- gregory mad cause u didn’t blow him after the first date
how to spot a fuckboy:
- white nike tube socks with his adidas sandals
- he wants to play 20 questions (!!!!!!!!! do not play !!!!!!!!!!! especially if there’s a “;)” involved)
- relies on his mom but doesn’t respect women
- looks like he just read one of jaden smith’s tweets in all of his selfies
- can’t find the clitoris
fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes and results may vary but when he a fuckboy…he a fuckboy…and u will know
- cat owner: hears noise from the next room over
- cat owner: i don't know what you're doing, but i know that you should stop
"Hit me my thesis is due in 12 hours and I haven’t started it"
"Hit me I have a final in an hour and I didn’t study"
"Hit me I’ve been on a 24 hour drinking binge and I’m invincible"
"Hit me. You’re a university vehicle and I’ll get free tuition."
"Hit me I feel like a failure anyway"